Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. All rights reserved. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. 100. 121. 79. 25. - Twyla Tharp -- "Let us dance in the sun, wearing windflowers in our hair." And far from staying to the safer path, he leapt time and again past the cliff of common wisdom, in the hopes of rattling us into questioning the way we live. ago It's our undeniably superior (almost god-like) intelligence that made life difficult for us when we were children. As a lifelong stand-up comedian, Carlin had a lot of opportunities to speak his mindand religion and politics were two of his favorite subjects. No president has done right by us. God has a three-day weekend. ~ (George Carlin). Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull sh*t they teach you in school. After that, they don't want to know about you. everybody complains about politicians. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ (George Carlin). You get up, you go to work, you eat three meals, you take one good s**t, and you go back to bed. The Religion and Political Views of George Carlin - Hollowverse Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. George Carlin Quotes (Author of Brain Droppings) 68. 15. 119. https://t.co/f7cD8Ng2AA. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. ~ (George Carlin). 10. Web#1 Dont just teach your children to read. WebAmerican stand-up comedian George Carlin is notable for his long-standing popularity from the early 60s up until his death in 2008. 2. God has. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. Could it be everyone? Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. There are, at least, some points we can all agree on. 26. Dont give your money to the church. Swimming is not a sport. 72. An idle mind is the devils workshop. And the devils name is Alzheimers. ~ (George Carlin). Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. You don't. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". 34. Results like these do not belong on the rsum of a Supreme Being. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. As for me, Ill be home on that day, doing essentially the same thing as you, the only difference is, when I get finished masturbating, Im going to have a little something to show for it folks. The shit they shuffle around every four years doesnt mean a fuckin thing. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. Because if its really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? - George Carlin International Dance Day 2023: Wishes and Messages for the occasion The planet is fine. They will do anything for the unborn. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. ~ (George Carlin). ", "If you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist. Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. ~ (George Carlin). They own and control the corporations. Somebodys gonna be disappointed. 14. The people are fucked. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time. ~ (George Carlin). Everybodys at the mall scratching his ass, picking his nose, taking out his credit card out of a fannie-pack, and buying a pair of sneakers with lights in them. If not, no matter." ", "Never underestimate the power ofstupid people in large groups. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~ (George Carlin). Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass. ~ (George Carlin). The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. Analyse the Republicans now.#DemVoice1 #Fresh pic.twitter.com/1VVJdfOnVg, Tony #DemVoice1 (@TonyHussein4) May 21, 2022. Laugh often, long and loud. 24. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. ~ (George Carlin). Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Im sure as soon as the election is over, your country will improve immediately. The status quo sucks. ~ (George Carlin). You know what they ought to do with churches? 116. Now it's the zombie liberal.They say politics makes strange bedfellows--because today, the first amendment is under attack from people on the right and the left. Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. ~ (George Carlin). Why isn't selling fucking legal?". But just as pressure and heat transform coal into diamonds, it's that frustration, social pressure and the heat of anger that transforms us into comedians. George Carlin had a lot to say, and we were always ready to listen. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. There are no innocent human beings. ~ (George Carlin). So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. 118. 70+ George Carlin Quotes About the Crazy World We Live in 109. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. ~ (George Carlin). Here, we bring you 27 of the best George Carlin quotes of all time. WebThis video presents the 30 best quotes from the legendary comedian George Carlin. ", "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to haveselfish, ignorant leaders. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. ~ (George Carlin). '", Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. 135 Notable Oscar Wilde Quotes on Writing and Life, 105 Frederick Douglass Quotes on Progress & Freedom, 55 William Golding Quotes from Author of Lord of the Flies, 67 Salvador Dali Quotes From The Surreal Spanish Artist, 45 Tee Grizzley Quotes from the American Rapper, 32 Jean Toomer Quotes from American Poet & Novelist. 52. ", When we think of dictators, we think about other countries. In his 50-year career as one of Americas most poignant and provocative social critics, the irreverent actor, author and comedian left no sacred cow unsinged as he took to lobbing one grenade after the next into the comfort zones of American life. Never argue with an idiot. Property is theft. 125 George Carlin Quotes 1. Police threw at him.If they were born a decade or two earlier, today's young "social revolutionaries" would've been Carlin fans. 30 Best George Carlin Quotes The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. The planet is fine. It will be a lot of fun. The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. My mother would say, Why are you always playing alone? And I would say, Im not playin, Ma. "Hmm? Gov Greg Abbott is using the border crisis to hurt Black-run, Media Matters bombshell: Tucker Carlson caught slamming streaming service Fox Nation, Donald Trump to participate in a CNN presidential town hall next week, Hillary Clinton shares a graph to slam Trump on natl debt & gets help finishing it, See if you can figure out what President Joe Biden is doing in this clip, Charles Payne spots yet another reason to ban congressional stock trading ASAP, NBC News Ben Collins is sick and tired of editorial boards not talking to actual reporters like, CNN asks why SO many of us are unhappy with the country and THIS is why we cant have nice things, Group that went to bat for UVA hate crime hoaxer rages at right-wing media for telling the, Here's the Montana state rep who'd rather her daughter commit suicide than transition, ABC News: LGBTQ+ lawmakers finding themselves fighting literally just 'to exist', Antony Blinken too busy to say if he accepts that Hunter Biden's laptop was not disinformation, California Do Not Sell My Personal Information, George Carlin wouldnt even want to be claimed as your partisan hero and if that offends you his legacy lives on. 49. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. ~ (George Carlin). I hate groups of people. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? George Carlin | American comedian They don't want to hear from you. Read these short quotes by the renowned comedian to make you smile while seeing things from a different perspective. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. 92. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Electricity is really just organized lighting. ~ (George Carlin). Toothpicks? ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin Quotes And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. They've got you by the balls. Copyright 2017 iComedyTV.com. See more ideas about george carlin, carlin, quotes. WebTop 10 George Carlin Quotes. Thats just common sense! ~ (George Carlin). Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Life is a near-death experience. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. Carlin did this better than anyone else. Why? 28. And the main reason women are crazy is that Pro-life, you don't see many of these anti-abortion women volunteering to have any Black fetuses transplanted into their uteruses, do you? Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? George Carlin Featured in: George Carlin Quotes Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. George Carlin George Carlin Quotes 500 WALLPAPERS 8,907 POINTS Seneca Quotes This explains that although teamwork is important, what you can individually bring to a business is equally relevant. ', and 'Here's all you The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. ~ (George Carlin). Simple as it gets, anti-womanthey don't like them. Nobody owns anything. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f*** things up this badly. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. ~ (George Carlin). Life is a series of dogs. ~ (George Carlin). Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. ~ (George Carlin). ", "Careful. Read these quotes to gracefully enhance your views about it and make you reflect upon the essence of human spirituality! It presents itself as fairness, yet attempts to restrict and control peoples language with strict codes and rigid rules. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose., "Life is not that complicated. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. ~ (George Carlin). Some national parks have long waiting lists for. Carlin was a cool guy; he wasn't racist, sexist, homophobic, or any other buzzword insult the P.C. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. My first rule: I dont believe anything the government tells me. ~ (George Carlin). George Carlin was no stranger to controversy. For Exclusive Deals, New Product Alerts, Free Articles, Libertarian News & More! Now theres one thing you might have noticed i dont complain about: politicians. People always tell me Have a nice day. Well what if I dont want to? The more we pointed out the foolishness of our "superiors," the more they kept us down. The planet is fine. You have no choice. Both the Left and the Right have been known to use his insights to demonstrate their own points. Here are some powerful quotes of pure humor and sparkling intellect to follow you through the day! It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. ", "Conservatives don't give a shit about you until you reach military age. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. 93. Carlin took a liberal stance on most things, but generally found politics and politicians corrupt and ridiculous. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. No contest. Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. ~ (George Carlin). Laughuntil you gasp for breath., I have as much authority as the Pope. A few laughs with George Carlin. 9 View more comments #2 Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. The people are f***ed. I put a dollar in a change machine. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Thats the problem." Theres a humorous side to every situation. April 27, 2023, by Libertarian Country People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. ~ (George Carlin). That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin quotes government sayings, in particular, are thought-provoking. He had a way of critiquing and making fun of the government without necessarily getting into trouble. This made him outstanding. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ~ (George Carlin). 40. [3], Carlin was equally hard on politics as he was on religion. If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. Youre just going to wind up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. 67. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads I think that speaks for itself. 44. Tweet. 62. 54. 88. Web421 quotes from George Carlin: 'The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. Two reasons. FUCK THEM. Its so f***ing heroic. Then youre just what theyre looking for. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. 96. When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountains majesty above the asphalt plain. Former U.S. representative wonders: Can you keep an (Anthony) Weiner down? Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin didnt hesitate to criticize presidents by name Bill Clinton and George W. Bush among them but, more often, he spoke in broader terms and Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. If this is the best God can do, Im not impressed. ~ (George Carlin). Thats the problem. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. What do dogs do on their day off? Never forget that Hitler was a Catholic. ~ (George Carlin). The people are fucked. ", If you can't beat them, arrange to havethem beaten., Laugh often, long, and loud. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. ~ (George Carlin). Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. I dont have a fear of heights. Best George Carlin Quotes of All Time - LiveAbout George Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York in 1937 and died in Santa Monica, California in 2008. Who would've ever thought radical feminists would team up with religious zealots to usher in a new wave of censorship and control?Oh, if Carlin was still alive today. I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. The real owners, the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions.And, now, they're coming for your Social Security. 38. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. I love individuals. Teach them to question everything. ", "The God excuse: the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument. That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. Carlin was not unique in that he saw through the thick layers of societal propaganda and rhetoric that are the source of many of the worlds problemsand let it be known that, despite his liberal stance on most social issues, he would point out their hypocrisies as wellbut he was well-respected and well-spoken enough to have left an impression on American thinking and history. Its because volunteers work for no pay. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. ~ (George Carlin). Fuck hope. I'm not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? Indeed, George Carlin was in a class of his own, however this would only be half the story. Teach them to question everything. 3. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. Thats the problem. ~ (George Carlin). The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ~ (George Carlin). TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote Women are crazy. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. 48. Theres no present. ", "Selling is legal. Its because volunteers work for no pay. I have as much authority as the Pope. Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. George Carlin on Voting transcript It's always people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. I took his shoes. Its what our system produces: Garbage in. He joked about it but he was dead serious. I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. Never argue with an idiot. 45. 27. Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? George Carlin No nothing. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town. ~ (George Carlin). Fascism won it. April 20, 2023, by Libertarian Country We think in words. Because you have the most money? So, have a little fun. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ (George Carlin). 59. And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. ~ (George Carlin). Best George Carlin Quotes. It's important in life if you don't give a shit. George Carlin Quotes on Politics - LiveAbout The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? 46. Whether Carlin would like it or not, his observations continue to be relevant in our present state. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. ~ (George Carlin). Electricity is really just organized lightning. If they come back, set them on fire. ~ (George Carlin). Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. ~ (George Carlin). Carlin was brought up Irish Catholic but grew into an outspoken atheist. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? The owners of this country know the truth: Its called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Surround yourself with what you love. ~ (George Carlin). 66. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. 39. George Carlin. Maher is a liberal who has endorsed at least the last two Democratic presidential candidates. He joked about it but he was dead serious. He was one of the first to know it was all bullshit propagated by government and corporate elites. If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. He was an outspoken, acerbic social critic, and what came out of his mouthcould be shocking or even sometimes vulgar, but often his railings against injustice or stupidity or corruption shone a light on some dark areas as he said things that others would or could not say. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles. ~ (George Carlin). They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin 61. Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? Tax them. I respect animals. If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. 120. George Carlin:::Political quotes And America is not alone with this sort of delusions. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Goalcast inspires the world through stories. Quotes by George Carlin One of the most iconic comedians of all time. Germany lost the Second World War. If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely? While breaking down these claims on political correctness, Carlin implements his own set of values. Deal with it. ~ (George Carlin). 110. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? No neonatal care, no day care, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. In America, anyone can become president. Though some of these people have always been fans, his social commentary and political criticisms have found new meaning--and a new home--among the right.Though the right-wing and left-wing have "claimed" George Carlin as one of their own heroes, his allegiance was always to himself (another great libertarian tenet), and wasn't going to shill for anyone.If Carlin was ever a hero, it was always for the individual, the rebel, the outcast.
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